Wow has it been that long!!!

As I sit here on a cold and rainy November night I am reminded that I haven't typed in so long and so much has happened that I feel I should catch everyone and even myself up to speed lol.  I will tell u first off my spelling and typing may be horrible due to my current medical issues.The last time I wrote anything was Sept of 2012 and little did I know how my life would be turned so upside down in such a short time. First off let me say this post may be very negative and hard for me to write cause im not in that place that i was at that time but here goes. I almost lost my house to a forclosure due to my ex husband who stopped paying the morgage over something that was told to him untrue. i was able to save mine and my childrens home by filing chapter 13 and we are still here an thank god for that. second as u know from my previous post i was fighting with my employer and insurance about my injury and finally settled out with them august of this year whew some peace of mind but backing up a bit. i went to see my ortho surgeon due to having still so much pain and difficulties after having the cervical fusion so he schedualed another mri and i will never forget the day he called me into his office to tell me that my fusion was healed but i had something that was called arnold chiari malformation which i had no idea what that was at the time. after doing some research and google which i dont reccomend when u are already scared i found out that its a malformation of the skull which causes the cerebral tonsils of the brain to herniate out of the skull and into your spine. Yep thats what i said, I couldnt believe this was all happenening to me why? what did i do to cause this why did i deserve over the course of 4 years seperating and divorced my husband and hurt my kids by it almost lose our home, have lumps removed from my breast thinking i had cancer, get injured at my job which i loved have to have plates and screws in my neck and lose my job to finding out i have an incurable disorder that i will play russian roulette with everyday to see what my body will face The Drs reccomend i have brain surgury in january of 2015 not as a cure but to stop the progression of the symptoms i have now and to hopefully let me have a better chance of symptom free for a while but there are no gaurentees and the surgury may fix nothing or it may help tremendusly and i will pray for god to put me on the right path. I became so angry at life and everyone i sunk into a dark hole that i thought i would never come out of i wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. I havedays where my head hurts so bad i wnt to smack it into a wall and i cant even lft up my neck ,passing out ,speech issues,nausea, forgetting the simplest things among so many other things my body was doing against me and most of all i was angry at god for doing this and allowing me to go thru this because i felt i didnt deserve it but truthfully at times i felt god was punishing me for all the wrong things i had done in my life and hurting my kids by seperating and divorcing there father boy was i wrong.God didnt do these things to me because he was trying to hurt or punish me he had his own reasons for why i have and am going thru the trails i am at this very moment. I thru a wonderful lady who i have met and has opened my eyes again to life and not to dwell in the misery and to open my heart again now am going back to church with my kids and fiancee yes i said it. i got engaged to a wonderful man in febuary of this year and he is my rock :) . I have also started a buisness opertunity by becoming a wellness advocate for doterra essentail oils and let me tell u they have become a game changer for me and the symptoms and pain i deal with on a daily basis and so wonderful to use on my kids as well.. Iam doing so much better these day now let me tell u there are still days where i want to crawl under a rock and wallow in my pain and thoes are the days where i fight and stay strong for  my family and myself and i pray and look to god to carry me thru. I know that I am on the road i need to be on and i welcome each day as it comes :) <3 I hope everyone is well and u keep smiling dont let your light burn out. Amen