Dealing with changes

Hey everyone sorry its been awhile since i have wrote to u all alot has gone on latley and figured i needed to gather myself and go from there. As of recently alot has gone on I am no longer working right now so no money comming in and due to have surgury in a few weeks and very nervous about that. For thoes who dont know i am having ACF which mean anterior cervical fusion its where they go in the front of my neck to fuse a herniated disc i have in the back. With things going the way they have gone without getting into to much detail not working also being hurt and of course adding the single mom of 3 and all the stresses and bologna that comes with that. I have asked many times why me, what did i ever do to deserve all that is happening to me right now have i done something to deserve what happens am i a mean person al they why why whys then i hear the other voice in my head usually its a friend i know saying your strong u can do it and if u just hang on everything will be ok. At times i want to believe her and truly think she is right and other times something happens to knock me right back down to where im like REALLY!!!. Some of u may read this and be like she is feeling sorry for herself and at some instance u may be right but unless u are in my shoes u cant truly understand. I left my home in canada many years ago and lately everyday just find myself wanting to go home and throw in the towel here but i know for my children thats not the answer they are grounded here and this is there life an i cant run from my issues and hurt them. At some point im sure everyone asks themselves why me and how much more do i have to bend until i break i am pretty close to breaking point now and all i can hope for is to have great ppl around me for support and for it only to go up from here. I guess there  is a saying whatever doesnt kill u just makes you stronger well i hope thats right. This sorta turned into a venting session for me but glad some of u will read and know just what i need to hear love u all and Keep smiling :)     Shelley