Its been awhile

Hey everyone, I know it has been quite some time since i have blogged about anything so i will give u the update on whats been happening in my world. I had my surgury june 21st for the disc herniations in my c5-c7 that was a big thing for me and im still dealing with it everyday and probably will for the rest of my life. the pain i feel i thought would get better and in some cases it has but others its horrible. Im not able to lift more than a few lbs and turning or lifting my head at times is hard and painful. I start therapy in a week or so hopefully that will help a great deal. I am still out of work and will not return to the job i had proir to the surgury and am in letigation with the insurance and job as of right now :(. I am home with my kiddos right now and I can tell u being home with them even with not being able to do everything for them i should be has been realy great altho i mis my job i feel right now the best place for me to be while i recover is home with them. The drs are saying my best interest in not to go back in to the line of work i was doing as to all the medical issues i have but how do u start over doing something completly diff after 10 years of doing what you love. idk if i will be able to just give it up but also at what cost am i willing to risk my health long term either. Things are still the same with my ex we are at a place where we are there for the kids and not about hurting one another due to it not getting us anywhere. I am at the point in my marriage is do i regret being married to him for 12 years ...No but do i think that we are better off where we are now...Yes its better for the kids to have us not hate eachother and be parents to them and not take things out on eachother. Dont get me wrong there are plenty of days i want to hit him upside the head and be like wtf but i am sure there are days where he is just as frustrated with me. Its a part of life and our marriage ending and moving forward and I just want to be the best mother I can for my kids and as long as they are happy and not hurting i am doing right by them they come first over anyone or anything.The issue i deal with right now is the lonliness and being alone yes i have a few friends but dont see them like i wish i could and that is due to the surgury and being homebound and not able to do anything these few mnths I am hoping things will turn up and get back to normal. I am grateful to thoes that are in my life and comtinue to be there for me thru the ups and downs i love u and i am grateful for u everyday. Another issue is the financial due to being out of work i get next to nothing from comp and half goes to pay mine and the kids medical thru cobra over 800 dollars a mnth can u say ouch. Im sorry this blog post was more like me being debby downer than anything but in all honestly the past 3 or more mnths have been more down and negative then positive and im hoping that will change. As always thanks for reading and to all my friends new and old love you and keep smiling. shelley